The year of 2000 was a huge year for me whereby in December I received a huge and painful shock. My mother, who had Breast cancer 3 years earlier, was diagnosed with Brain cancer.I went numb and into denial. I knew this wasn't healthy, and I kept on telling myself I was going to deal with this and allow myself to feel whatever I needed to feel. I kept putting it off, though. Which I know now was a very normal process. It was going to be tonight or tomorrow or as soon as I took care of other various never ending (at that point) jobs.
This was the year we had down to move interstate.....such a move for us as a little family of 2 children back then to a place whereby I knew no one apart from my inlaws, husband starting a new job and us having no home to move too when we did the journey down (apart from live with my inlaws until we found a house).
In during this time....I was suffering from post natal depression. I had insomnia, and I was irritable beyond description. God bless my husband for putting up with me during this stressful time for him (with change of career). I battled on and dealt with this and the knowledge of that one day soon I would loose my mother. The very woman who gave birth to me at such a young tender age. A woman who to me was like an older sister, a friend who consoled me when I was confused about life itself. All along with dealing with a change of scenery and conditions of moving to a different state and having not many supportive friends around, apart from my a dear friend and my husband.
Once I learned that my mother had passed on I allowed myself to grieve very quickly, but then pushing it aside. It wasn't until after I saw my her at her funeral that I experienced the release my spirit had been craving. Miraculously, all my physical symptoms disappeared. I to me allowed myself to feel what was inside screaming to come out.....raw emotions and allowing myself to feel them.
Where Your Well-Being Should BeginIf I were to sit down and make a list of the most important things in overall good health I think I would put total emotional expression at the top of it.
As any good Therapist can tell you, emotions, no matter how long they are ignored and repressed, don't go away. If someone had a traumatic experience when they were 7 yrs old and never dealt with it, the emotional charge of that trauma is still alive deep within her. The charge of anger which was never resolved has equal staying power. Unexpressed grief is grief unhealed.
To explain this with more of a direct notion: You would probably not knowingly put strychnine, arsenic, or other poisons into your body. Emotions such as guilt, resentment, anger, resignation, grief, and denial are in their own way equally toxic.
The basis of all vibrational healing - Reiki, Chakras, crystals, essences, etc. - is the belief that all imbalance originates on the mental and emotional planes of each living being. If not corrected an imbalance can affect the physical body. When that happens medical, surgical, or pharmaceutical solutions may relieve the physical symptoms, but they or a new set of symptoms will occur if the basic imbalance remains.
Hope I havent lost you here? !
Sometimes Knowledge Isn't EverythingI knew all of that, and was studying it. On a day-to-day basis, with the help of such things as crystals, essences, essential oils, Reiki, and daily thought journalling, I am basically in touch with my feelings and emotions, and have allowed the clearing up of a lot of the debris from the past.
And I knew what I "should" do about the crisis regarding my mother, but other considerations overcame this knowledge. To me confronting this at the time was what my inner being wasnt quite ready for ....I know now!
To Be HeroicTo be an individual whereby you are displaying characteristics of wanting to be strong and supportive is a very honorable motive, and when someone we love needs our strength and support it is not, I think, appropriate to unload your emotional burdens to him/her.
However, there is a difference between acting strong and being strong. True real strength happens when we can acknowledge to ourselves and, ideally, to trusted friends, that we are worried, sad, fearful, and fully allow ourselves to feel these or any other emotions going on. By taking care of ourselves in this way we can give the needed support.
Too often, pretending to be strong becomes a way of being in which any emotions which jeopardize the facade are not allowed to surface. Lost your job? Your dearest friend? Have your own life-threatening illness? "I can handle it." You can, but maybe you can handle it more effectively by acknowledging what you feel.
Now I have grown spiritually over the years so much so that its a very normal way of life for me to feel, acknowledge and sense when my being is going through lets say unbalance. I fall back on my alternative therapies to rebalance them again. I have come under scrutiny for being so positive and happy all the time but to me those who do say these things are ones that are not happy within themselves and unfortunately take it upon themselves to belittle others to build them up.
The Spiritual Twist to HeroismThis is where one says, "I'm not afraid of death because it just takes me into another phase of existence, or "I'm just working out my karma," or "I'm looking at this as an opportunity to grow."
Sometimes this is actually true, meaning the person who says it is fully in touch on an ongoing basis with all the emotions which point in the opposite direction AND chooses to understand them and the lessons they teach. Sometimes, though, people are saying what they think they should believe, rather than allowing themselves to experience what they actually feel.
The Ultimate SourceUltimately, the urge to be strong is often simply the urge to avoid pain. In my case knowing what I "should" do about the feelings I was stamping down at that time was like knowing you have a throbbing tooth and thinking you should go to the dentist and not doing it = because while you can live with the low-key throbbing you want to avoid the sudden onset of excruciating pain.
Many people, however, are more likely to go to the dentist when necessary than to deal with emotional pain. Dental pain, while unwelcome, is to some degree predictable and of limited duration. Emotional pain has the added and very unwelcome element of the unknown.
For example, once I unraveled my emotions I discovered not only fear that my mother would never come back, that I would die, that I would be unequal to the challenge ahead, but unresolved grief from the past, an assorted batch of angers and grudges - and this is by no means a complete listing...just an insight.
And it was initially painful to go through all of that. It was somewhat humiliating to allow myself to be so vulnerable that the smallests incident could make me tearful. Soon, though, I noticed how clear and light I felt, how in the midst of an emotional waterfall I could start to laugh.
Most important, I noticed how much easier it became for me to express love, and I realized that whatever happened in the course of my mother's illness & death but also with moving to an unknown area I would be able to truly be there for my family and friends when they needed me because I had made a firm commitment to be there for myself. Does that make sense?
What I have tried to do here in this blog post is express to you that in life we have too allow ourselves to feel...but not just feel like touching but "Feel" within ourselves. This truly is the only way of really knowing who YOU are and also understanding emotions throughout times within our lives.
Crystals & Aromatherapy for FeelingsNow I thought I would list a few crystals and Essential Oils to help with any feelings that you may require help with now or in the future.
Working with obsidian may be similar to the experience in the dentist's chair, but like feelings themselves, if you can embrace the insights yielded through working with this stone you will find yourself releasing unimaginable amounts of mental and psychic debris.
Green calcite helps to release the mental and emotional rigidities which can prevent adopting a new perspective on life - and feeling. Its color, that of water, also helps to signify release.
Taking care of your own emotional needs can be effectively accomplished with rose quartz. Hold it when you sleep, carry it with you, place it on the heart when you meditate. This stone is wonderful for releasing emotional pain.
Hematite is especially helpful for those who have shut off feeling because they tend to be emotional sponges, picking up the emotions of those around them. This stone helps to set appropriate boundaries.
Moonstone is an emotional balancer. Whether your emotions have you in their grip or whether you've lost them somewhere along the way, this stone can help to restore you to equilibrium.
Opal is somewhat like obsidian in that it is not one of the kinder, gentler crystals. Also, as with obsidian, if you intend to work with it, it is best to let it do its work without resisting it. It will help emotions and feelings to flow.
Essential oils can enhance the experience of meditation and self-reflection. Useful application methods for emotional purposes include direct inhalation, diffusion using a nebulizer, aromatic bath, and massage using essential oils diluted into a carrier oil or lotion base. Bearing this in mind, below are some essential oils that are traditionally considered helpful for certain emotional issues. Note that the examples below are based on traditional uses and anecdotal information, and not on scientific studies.
~ Bergamot (Citrus aurantium):anger, anxiety, frustration, sadness
~ Cardamom (Elettaria cardamomum): apathy, emotional exhaustion, emotional tension
~ Cedarwood, Atlas (Cedrus atlantica): anxiety, anger, fear, worry
~ Chamomile, German (Matricaria recutica): frustration, emotional over-stimulation, stress, moody tendencies, bitterness
~ Chamomile, Roman (Chamaemelum nobile): anger, grief, irritability, emotional over-stimulation, sadness, stress, worry
~ Clary Sage (Salvia sclarea): fear, sadness, worry
~ Frankincense (Boswellia carteri): emotional exhaustion, grief, stress
~ Geranium (Pelargonium graveolens): anger, anxiety, moody tendencies, sadness, stress
~ Grapefruit (Citrus paradisi): anxiety, emotional exhaustion, frustration, sadness
~ Helichrysum (Helichrysum agustifolium): emotional over-stimulation, grief, sadness, stress
~ Jasmine (Jasminum officinale): anxiety, guilt, listlessness, sadness, stress
~ Lavender (Lavendula augustifolia): anxiety, irritability, sadness, stress, worry
~ Lemon (Citrus lemon): anxiety, bitterness, stress
~ Neroli (Citrus aurantium bigaradia): anxiety, emotional over-stimulation, grief, impatience, sadness, stress
~ Peppermint (Mentha piperita): anxiety, sadness, stress
~ Rose (Rosa damascena): anger, bitterness, emotional exhaustion, grief, jealousy, sadness
~ Rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis): emotional over-stimulation, stress
~ Sandalwood (Santalum album): anxiety, irritability, sadness, stress
~ Spikenard (Nardostachys jatamansi): anxiety, emotional over-stimulation, stress
~ Ylang Ylang (Cananga odorata): anxiety, emotional exhaustion, frustration, guilt, impatience, sadness, stress
“For each petal on a flower brings a wish your way. Good health, good luck, and happiness for today and every day.”